My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
