i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
