Your face is a jimmy john
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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