White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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