Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I want a musical about memes.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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