just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
pop tarts are not kleenex
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
