She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
