The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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