Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
