You're my little dorito
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize