I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
