went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
FUCK WHALES
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
