I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
