Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
