Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
