You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
FUCK WHALES
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