New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
