My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
