his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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