Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It's official drugs can't kill me
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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