She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
