Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize
