Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
we're making bets on your personal life
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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