WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
