Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
