NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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