Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
