So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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