we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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