Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
