Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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