forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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