Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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