I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize