We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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