BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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