Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
