I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
