i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
