non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
