My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
