I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
