the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Randomize