I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We have so much sex to catch up on
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
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