The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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