I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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