Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
