I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
