Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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