Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
