i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
