I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
