you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize