Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I had to cum in my sink.
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