R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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