I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
