When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
