No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
