Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
