I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It's shark week go big or go home
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
