Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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