so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
