Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
