Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
