I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
