***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
