i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
