Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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