Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
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