Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
