Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
