I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
