I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
They have beer where we have blood.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
