Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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