Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
