take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
