Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
