i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
