he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
