toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I did not marry a roomba.
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